Saturday, April 18, 2020

End Food Now

Are you over eating from boredom due to the COVID 19 quarantine?  Do you find frequent trips to the refrigerator in hopes that there's a morsel of interest to eat.  And the quarry I ask is, how much have you actually gained recently?

Well, I have a solution that is 99.9% fool proof.  I'm Unkle Steve, founder of END FOOD NOW.  Since this pandemic, I have searched the world for the perfect deter for those who continuously snack.  That's right folks, the refrigerator that no one wants to open.  So, no better time than now to use that stimulus check and invest for a better future for your mind, body and yes, obesity.  If you don't lose ten pounds within the first seven days, I will personally refund all expenses including shipping, but keep the refrigerator as my way of saying thanks.  (Registration after purchasing is required)

Why not call now at: 1-800-END-FOOD and have your credit cards ready.  Operators are available and ready to answer questions you might have in the comforts of their own home where it's safe.  For those who call within the next ten minutes will receive absolutely free a gallon of curdled Goats Milk and a Tuna Casserole with a half inch of mold or more atop.

Here's to you and a more controlled eating habit leading to a better life!

Here's what a few of our layoff Customers have to say:

"I've lost 28 pounds in two weeks and I'm more regular again!  Thx End Food!" - Big Jake - NY, New York

"Snapped up one for my mum, she cried with joy and continued to watched TV."  - Agatha Whales - Portland, Maine

"Lost five pounds instantly the first time I opened the fridge.  One sight and whiff made me hurl.  END FOOD NOW Rocks!" - Hurling Harry - St. Louis, Missouri

"I ain't nev'r seen or smelt anyting like it before and I eat'n out the craziest stuff" - Joe Bob - Somewhere in dem Back Woods

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